Last week I published one of my most raw and emotional posts ever to this little blog of mine. For those of you who missed it, please go check it out as today’s post is a sort of Part 2. In a woefully short summary, my wife and I found out the heart of our baby she was carrying had stopped at about the 20 week mark. Last week was a tumultuous week filled with hospital delays, tears and frustrations. It would not be until Wednesday night at about 11:30pm we met our little girl and named her Zoey Grace. Our time since then has been a whirlwind of emotions and busyness.
One of the main things we have been discussing is our role as parents to Zoey Grace. We believe she is and will forever be a part of our family. Since we will not be able to do the standard things parents do when raising a child, we realized our role as parents is to remember Zoey and tell her story. We figured that since she would not be around to show and tell others about herself and our family, it was our job as parents to do the showing and telling. We have to be her voice. So, much of our recent emotions and busyness have been spent finding ways to remember Zoey and help tell her story.
What we did not realize, is how much Zoey is already talking to us and helping us tell our story through her life.
My wife and I were sitting together with our counselor talking about the recent events. We discussed learning about her death, going to the hospital, giving birth, our emotions and the outpouring of support from friends and family and how much we have felt loved by them. Our counselor stopped us and said:
“Maybe that’s what Zoey is telling you? Maybe she is telling you how much you are loved.”
We realized, we gave her the name Grace because we knew we would be needing some. Little did we realize that she would be the one helping us find some love and grace. Zoey was our tiny messenger of love, light and grace.
In thinking about this, I was reminded of the gospel reading from this past Sunday.
A man named John was sent from God. He came as a witness to testify concerning the light, so that through him everyone would believe in the light. He himself wasn’t the light, but his mission was to testify concerning the light
John 1:6-8 (CEB)
John the Baptist acted as a messenger for the “light” that was coming in and through Jesus. Zoey Grace was a tiny messenger from God in our lives that shined a light to show us how much we are loved. My wife and I both cried and were angry at God for a while there. Honestly, we still question this whole thing from time to time. But, the kind words, hugs and loving support from friends is on a level we have yet to experience as a family. Even before this our own insecurities often caused us to question how much we were truly loved and who our friends were. Zoey Grace passing through our life has truly shown us the depths of love that surround us in our friends and our family. We know that the support of our friends is also an extension of the love and support of God who is hurting along with us. Whether you believe God ordained this to happen or not, we believe that God is mourning with us. We are just beginning to understand God’s grace in new and almost unspeakable ways.
Speaking for myself here, but I feel that bringing Zoey Grace into the world has even brought my wife and I closer together. We have had to hug tighter and listen closer to each other than we have ever had to. Emotions are higher and the need for grace has risen with it. Yet, through it all, Zoey Grace is helping us find new depths of love and grace in our relationship.
We gave her the name Zoey because we believe she is a living and active part of our family.
Little did we know she would help us find new ways to live.
We gave her the name Grace because we needed grace.
Little did we know the overflowing springs of grace and love she would help us find.
We thought we would have to be messengers for Zoey Grace and her life.
Instead, she is our tiny messenger.